This usually happens whenever I have some time to myself, even when I'm taking a shower, travelling, or entertaining myself.
I think about how tired I am of my work life, the blessings I had, the handful of people who have supported me, loved me and put their trust in me, my own health-basically anything.
Its not easy shaking the negative thoughts away and focusing on the positive ones that have ignited your life. You have no idea what God wants your life to be in the future.
While I was taking my last shower, I can't help but look at the state of my own body.
Its not easy to take notice of these little changes that happen overnight and look at how its not easy being skinny and perfect.
In everybody's eyes, skinny is the new pretty.
What stereotypes.
I really don't like this because some people are not born to be stick-skinny and they have to work hard in order to keep their health in check.
They end up getting mocked at for their weight and just like that, their social life tales a turn for the worst.
I understand that life isn't fair, but I believe that they do not need to be mocked at just for what they look on the outside.
Just imagine having yourself put in their shoes, would you like to have this sort of treatment from others as well?
I don't feel as pretty as I look at the state of my stomach.
I've tried so hard, by eating healthy and exercising, but I can't seem to get all of those fats away from my system.
Its frustrating having to struggle with these kinds of self-esteem issues,to the point whereby I'm so sick and tired of wanting to care about it, though its pretty evident that I still care alot about it.
Pretty contradicting right?
What's worse is that my family, of all people, mock me about my body.
I'm not trying to throw them under the bus or anything, but it is the truth.
They keep trying to tell me that I look ugly in this or I look ugly in that.
Aren't they uglier when they make fun of my shape and size and what I like to wear?
Its really hard to take in all these criticisms and at the same time, trying to be strong about it.
I feel that there's so much pressure in wanting to be perfect.
To have the perfect height and the perfect weight like those models from Victoria's Secret, it doesn't come by often for people like me.
We all long to have their body types, and we all want to be as healthy as them.
I just hope that this takes a turn for the better...
Life is really a burden sometimes.
Sometimes, all I long to do is to stay at home and not do anything.
Going to work for 5 consecutive days and going home so late at night is really unhealthy for a seventeen-year old being like me.
Working night shift doesn't just screw your body clock up, but it also screws with your overall diet, especially when business at the place you're working at is so freaking good.
Many people have told me that I eat really little for dinner and that I eat like a sloth.
That's because I am really used to taking my own sweet time to eat and I don't usually eat much at night as I don't use much energy when dusk forms the skies.
I adore food alot and I am the type of person who NEVER goes on a diet (I cannot pull through diets), but I basically have to watch what I eat as I tend to gain weight easily and its not easy to lose the weight that I've gained.
I hope that by reading this, you guys would understand where I'm coming from and I don't usually share such deep stuff because its hard for me to open up to people.
This is one of the many things that constantly bug me and let me stop and ponder about whether I'm taking good care of my body or not.
I have been struggling with my height and weight ever since I was young and I long for a day where I can push all these negative thoughts aside and focus on the life ahead of me.
Till then,
xx
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